Going back to school

Grant is now in 6th grade. He turned 12 on June 13. He appears to be about 5'1 and is truly moving into teenage years.

Acne on the nose, stinky pits and he sleeps in like he never did when he was younger.

All of these details are not lost on me because unlike most parents. I wasn't taking care of him for over a year and so the details of change stand out.

Grant's self injury gently is getting worse. Hits are harder and frequent. Should we bring back arm restraints? Change up meds? What can we do to keep him safe? Safety. This is our number one concern in our house.

We had a lovely summer. The main focus of being together. Being reunited. There are no vacations in our family. We make small steps. How did we do at this grocery store outing or this visit to the grandparents house? Our goals are tiny. Our days blur together. Swing, ipad, markers, eat mac n cheese, repeat.

I was blessed with plenty of adult support and now it's time to try public school again. This time we go full time and hope a new group of people will help him engage, grow, and do more than enjoy a bus ride to and from the house. They reassure me they share the same goals.

Grant is healthy. Overall, he is still better than he was in 2016. We are far from where we wish we could be. Self injury still dominates our daily lives. He swats at me and occasionally heads butts me hard enough to cause bruises or worse. He kicks and we are lost why he lashes out. I see him as impulsive. Nothing is thought through from what I can assess. Whatever makes him tick is deep and internal. I try to forgive him as I pass him to his father for a break.

We continue weekly ECT appts at the U of MN. We continue to work with a behavior company and if nothing else it makes me feel less alone on this parenting journey.

And most days I see or hear something new that I don't remember the day before. Yesterday he was saying "what happened?" on repeat. I see this as practice. I haven't heard it since the AM, but I enjoyed it while it was around and hope it comes back.

We had a lovely time with a grandpa (that is not pictured) this past weekend and are grateful for the one pictured above and all he does to support and love us. This first week was a lot of transition. Hoping this 2nd one goes smoother.