I miss you so much

Dear Grant,

I love this photo of us. I love your smile and when life is easy. I love your glasses and your curly hair. I love you. And I miss you so, so very much.

I will never feel like I can tell you how hard it is to think about you being so far away. Praying a group of strangers is able to meet your needs, take care of you and help you grow into the best version of you.

I know you don't know, but I talk to your teachers every day. I check on you. I ask how you slept and if you are feeling ok. I ask them how you are doing and help them learn about who you are.

A part of what made me sad about all of this; was feeling like I wasn't going to be your mommy for awhile. But, every day I have managed to stay apart of your world even if I am very far away.

I know you don't want to be there. I know you want your favorite toys, people and life. And I am very sorry I took this all away from you.

I hope you know I did this out of love. I did this for the 3 of us. It wasn't easy. I know you have fought, you screamed until you lost your voice and broke blood vessels in your neck. You wear restraints so you won't be hurt and I can't pretend to know how you feel about all of this.

I don't like seeing you there, but I don't like how you treat our home, your toys, your face, and so on. We needed a change.

We love you mister. We miss you so much. We look forward to holding your hand and touching your soft hair. I even miss your stinky breath. I miss it all because we are a little family of 3 and we feel the quietness of the home and it doesn't feel right.

We look forward to the day you can come home. Until then...we will visit as we can. We will think about you all of the time and hope that this time away from each other is exactly what you need to help you get better.

Love you Grant,

Mommy