Part 1: Grant stopped eating

I don't know what happened in March, 2016. But, something really happened. It started with a note from school. "He is trying/wanting to eat out of the floor and out of the garbage." This was the not the first time I had seen that note. I rapidly emailed the teacher back. "Do NOT react! "

Grant loves a strong reaction. Yelling, crying, laughing, tickling. Be BIG and bold around him. He adores it. But, he doesn't care what end of the feelings spectrum you are on. It took me a long time to learn this about him. This is why a spank or a yell doesn't not curb unwanted behaviors. He craves your negative attention as much as he craves positive attention. He just needs YOU. It is exhausting.

I love him with every cell in my body, but this is an exhausting caregiver job. I go way back to baby days as I reflect on it now. A child that couldn't be put down without re-awakening. I think about the toddler that would scream if I wasn't touching him while I tried to cook on a hot stove. I think about a 9 year-old that will clear a table with an arm swoosh and then attempt to rip my hair out of my head if it is not covered. There are consequences when he is not being paid attn to. It is a non-stop job. I trust him for less than 10 seconds by himself. Anything more than that and something is happening. The only blessing to this is other than when people are running lawnmowers; I can trust he is my home. He doesn't really want to be alone.

Do not react. Do not react! This goes against everything I am. It works for me as a teacher. It does not work at home. React and you are guaranteed he will do that unwanted behavior hundreds, if not thousands, of more times before he stops. He wants to see you do "that" again. I am learning to control myself. Scott is amazing at this. But, everyone else...well, I can't guarantee that I know every adult he comes in contact with is trained and able to play the "not react game" with us. This is where an amazing special ed teacher comes into play. S/he has to be able to make sure of this for us. Maybe this is why a typical elementary school is not going to work for him. There are simply too many people AND if they are not there that day than a myriad of other adults fill in for those adults. And that may or may have been the beginning of a problem. OR not. I will never know.

Grant didn't latch when I attempted breastfeeding. He didn't evolve well with food when we attempted to go from purees to soft foods. We even had to go backwards until we had more confidence because he would pocket food on the roof of his mouth. I think he was enrolled in feeding therapy two times, one for sure. I remember when she told us she was discontinuing it. Ah, the horrible feelings of having a therapist tell you they can't help you. Yes, sarcasm intended.

There has always been so many goals for Grant that the food issues always got pushed down on the priority list. It took until this summer for me to realize that was a mistake. We couldn't trust him around food. Kind of like bed time. We couldn't leave the room, he just gets up and follows you. Then he pounds his head. How can I just give him a plate of food? He will toss it to the ground. So he sat between my legs all these years so I could help him eat. His sensory issues generally prohibited him from physically touching most finger foods. His OCD type symptoms require certain foods to be eaten and others never tried. So many rules. He can only eat off the red plates and bowls. He only drinks from a certain cup. Never has tried a glass of water and will not. The day he stopped drinking formula, he never went back to milk products. We could only hydrate him with juice. We couldn't put a juice box in front of him in fear he would squeeze it all out. Same with cups of liquids. He dumps them so fast, you just kick yourself for having it out in the first place. These were toddler behaviors that just never would go away.

He was good in restaurants. We could do that together and we generally enjoyed it. At Perkins, we order him a muffin while we wait for them to make our food. We order his food the minute we sit down. He always finishes before us, but he's a good boy if he is just fed. We can survive the meal if we eat quickly and focus. No dawdling. It's hard to meet others. People don't typically eat the way we have to.

I learn the places that have mac n cheese and cheese burgers. We don't bother with places that don't have a noodle dish. He loves ice cream and dessert. His diet sucks frankly, but he eats. I worry about his teeth and his nutrition, but I try to tell myself it could be worse.

Because it could be, but then this spring. Well, then I discover what worse looks like.

It's Easter. We eat out at a higher end restaurant. Grant isn't eating. He has been sick. First with a cold and then with a GI flu. March is a hard month for him. We take a lot of sick days. I believe we all caught it at some pt. But, it's Easter now and we are ok. I have found a place with mac n cheese. He finally shows interest in his food, but not in his normal way. He attacks the plate. He smears his food all over the table. He wants to eat it this way. We are so confused. We clean up. We leave.

4 days later we are at Perkins. We do our normal routine, but it's worse than that Easter Sunday. He attacks the muffin like an animal that hasn't eaten in ages. It's exploding at our table.I am both equal parts confused and mortified. The waitress is so kind. I leave in tears. He won't eat. Only attack the food. This is really the beginning of something new. I don't know what to do.

- Will continue this post tomorrow-